Fellow adoptee, you may have come into this world 100% unplanned…
But that does not make you ANY less than
100% worthy.
Do you believe it?
I THOUGHT I believed it.
Until I started noticing how my actions told a different story…
For example…
* I couldn’t talk about difficult feelings, especially around adoption, with loved ones for fear of criticism or judgment or worse, rejection
* If anyone I cared about was upset, I would do whatever it took to make them feel better, even at my own expense.
* I woke up every single morning with shame about not being good enough. If I were better, everything would be better. It’s all my fault.
* I was surprised by rage or deep sadness when someone ghosted me or implied disapproval. It felt personal, like proof I wasn’t good enough
* I would go into a shame spiral when outside circumstances were not going according to plan.
Can you resonate?
These unconscious thought patterns can run on AUTO-PILOT until we can start recognizing them and taking responsibility for how they are shaping EVERY part of our lives.
I used to be afraid of negative emotions in myself and others. I genuinely thought people were supposed to feel grateful, positive, and optimistic most of the time. It felt like I was the only one struggling.
What I had to learn was…
That negative emotions are a COMMON and NECESSARY part of life.
We must realize that all emotions are simply vibrations in the body. They come to serve a purpose, and then they leave. When we fear, resist, and judge the feelings, they grow in intensity and length. They can become part of our subconscious identity if we don’t know how to see them for what they are.
I WANT to feel angry when I or someone else has been wronged. I WANT to feel grief and sadness over a death or loss. Negative emotions are nothing to be afraid of but rather, EXAMINED. Are they working FOR me or against me?
WHAT IF…
We learned to accept our negative emotions for precisely what they were. Nothing more, nothing less. We can name them, pinpoint where they appear in the body, and identify their color. (For me, fear looks like a yellow python wrapped around my neck. Grief feels like a deep gray whale floating in my sinus area.)
We could get curious about what the emotion or trigger is trying to tell us about ourselves. They are often our most essential messengers, and we ignore the message by buffering them away, thus causing more pain.
If you struggle with shame and want to learn how not to let it get the best of you, set up a call, and let’s talk.
