Fellow adoptee…
You probably came into this world 100% unplanned…
Your life may be someone’s secret
You may feel abandoned and rejected
But that does not make you any less than
100% worthy
Do you believe you are?
A few years ago, if you had asked me that question, I would have said, “Sure,” and not given it much thought.
But my actions told a different story.
Can you relate?
I struggled to talk about complicated feelings, especially around adoption, with loved ones for fear of criticism, judgment, or rejection.
If anyone I cared about were upset, I would make it mean something about me, that I have done something wrong, and try to fix it.
I would wake up every morning feeling guilt and shame about not being good enough. If I were better, everything would be better. It’s all my fault.
When we are born, adoptees lose the one thing that has sustained us for nine months. There is a trauma that is kept by the body.
Adoption trauma shows up in many ways. Feelings of abandonment and rejection are carried with us until we can recognize them and take responsibility for how they shape every part of our lives.
Negative emotions do not have to be scary or forbidden.
They are a COMMON and NECESSARY part of life.
Emotions are simply vibrations in the body. They come to serve a purpose, and then they leave. When we fear, resist, or judge our feelings, they grow in intensity and duration. They can become part of our subconscious identity if we don’t know how to see them for what they are.
I WANT to feel angry when I or someone else has been wronged.
I WANT to feel grief and sadness over a death or loss.
Negative emotions are nothing to be afraid of, but rather, EXAMINED. Are they working FOR me or against me?
WHAT IF…
We learned to accept our negative emotions for precisely what they were. Nothing more, nothing less. We can name them, pinpoint where they appear in the body, and identify their color. (For me, fear looks like a yellow python wrapped around my neck. Grief feels like a deep gray whale floating in my sinus area.)
We could get curious about what the emotion or trigger is trying to tell us about ourselves. They are often our most essential messengers, and we ignore the message by buffering them away, thus causing more pain.
If you struggle with shame and want to learn how not to let it get the best of you, set up a call, and let’s talk.
